I am 31 years old today. (March 23rd, 2021). It feels weird to be here because, like, not in a cliche’ way – where has the time gone? I think so many life changes (many very good!) happened in my twenties that the time was both very filled and happened so fast all at once. And sometimes changes are hard for my brain to really settle down and process – a side effect of chronic anxiety, I think, sort of like a small tinge of dissociation. But I love the life I have today.

Currently, at 31:

– Still recovering from cubital tunnel release, carpal tunnel release, and wrist debridement surgeries – mainly sitting in the waiting. I don’t know what exactly the future holds in terms of mobility or pain levels, and giving myself a break from crochet and exercises I used to enjoy feels really hard at times. Understanding that even with repairs and good outlook for recovery, I probably won’t be able to hold planks normally or lift weights quite the same anymore is something I’m trying to be at peace with. Bodies get damaged and old, sometimes the changes seem swift and sudden. But it’s a normal thing everyone deals with.

– On that note, starting to miss fiber art but not sure where or how to fit it in again just yet. I actually welcomed the break, because I’ve been…

– Writing poetry again, making time for music again. Slowly, trying to find a routine. Trying to make it consistent.

– Learning to be okay with this post-baby, 31-year-old body, that gains weight easier than it used to and fluctuates so much. Would I like to lose a bit more weight and keep it off? Honestly, yes. But right now, I don’t hate the way my body looks when I see it in a mirror, and that’s good.

– Growing out a pixie cut again and in need of some shaping at the crown and back. (I’ve cut my hair before and keep up with the bangs, but cutting the back when it’s this short is out of my comfort zone.)

– Finishing up a year of homeschooling along with virtual education from my son’s school system when (pre-pandemic) I’d learned that homeschooling wasn’t for me. I’ve long since been settled with the fact that this was the outcome for a year that was supposed to be my son’s first in full-time school, a year of more personal and work time for me, but now we’re waiting again, just like last summer, wondering what next school year will look like.

– Second pandemic birthday. Wow, talk about things I didn’t expect in my lifetime… Happy to see lots of people I love getting vaccines, and starting to get impatient for my chance. Update! The week of my birthday, vaccines became available to everyone in Georgia over the age of 16, and my husband and I were able to get our first doses! Still feeling hesitant, but also feeling hopeful. I’d say that was a pretty good birthday present.

– About to eat a piece of the cookie cake we got for my birthday this weekend!