When I was younger, being in your thirties didn’t seem old to me. I remember reading a book where a thirty-something character said it was more about your mentality, and that made sense to me. But here I am at 28, and it feels like time has just passed so fast. Yesterday I was 21, just starting to talk to my now-husband, and suddenly I’m 28.

I think it’s to do with my anxiety, but I’m sometimes not able to process “big life events” as they happen, and then maybe my mind never wraps itself around them. My life has changed so much in so many ways over the last few years – a three-month trip to Europe, marriage, moving into my own house and becoming a mom. The home I grew up in burning down days before my wedding and taking along with it a majority of my childhood items and our beloved family pets probably didn’t help. And while I feared I’d have this inability to process my son’s birth it didn’t happen then – maybe because the whole process was so physical and therefore tangible. But I think the postpartum anxiety and depression effected the way I’ve thought and the way I’ve spent a lot of my time the past couple years.

So years passing feels so scary, so fast. Like I’m running out of time. I don’t feel 28. But what is 28, anyway?

Birthdays aren’t a big deal for me and usually if we do any celebrating it’s just an excuse to see friends or go out to dinner, but I had a few sweet messages and calls from friends and family that made this one a bit special. I just felt loved and grateful.

See, here’s the thing. I spent a good chunk of my birthday fighting off a panic attack (unrelated to any of the above mentioned), experiencing a rough headache, and dealing with a toddler who decided to skip his nap on top of it all. A lot of my life the past few years, especially, has been full of fear and crippling anxiety, of those postpartum depression thoughts of no longer being good enough, as a wife, mom, friend, cousin, granddaughter, person. But I finally started wading through the muck and learning how to survive it at the end of last year, and this birthday I was surrounded by surprise gifts from my sweet husband and unexpected cards and gifts from family and acquaintances, sweet messages and phone calls that reminded me there are good things and sweet people who treasure you even when you’ve not been at your best for years. Thanks for making 28 not sting so much.