We’ve had warm, breezy weather her the past few days after weeks of cold and rain, and some have called it spring, but I’m not holding my breath; we’ve had blizzards and ice storms at the end of March before.

The seasonal changes used to not effect me so much, but lately they seem to. The early dark evenings of cold winter don’t help my anxiety. I don’t know if this is directly related to the postpartum anxiety and depression I’ve suffered with the past two years, or just the anxiety I’ve always struggled with being effected by the schedule of my life now as a young parent – before I wasn’t on someone else’s schedule; I could fill the hours with more hang outs with friends and be distracted by things like school and extracurriculars. But I’m not sure if that’s it.

Anyone who has suffered with severe anxiety or depression for a while has probably learned that outside forces, like a change in weather or a particularly good week of getting tasks done, might make you feel happier and like things are better, but it doesn’t last. Spring and Autumn have always been my favorite seasons, and we haven’t really had them the past few years. So while this weather has improved my overall mood so much, I’m hesitant to fully lean into it. It’s scary, because how will it feel when this moment is over?

But I think maybe its good to embrace the moments when you feel better, because it helps you remember that though the hard times are really hard, there are happy, lovely things, too, and they do come around once in a while. I think you just learn to ride with it, and maybe enjoy those times when they happen, seize them and be energetic and productive when you can. But that’s still scary.